Every year at Disneyland one of the Fantasmic leads would create a predictions list for the following year. Since I carried it on for the last couple of years I was there I thought it would be fun to bring it back and modernize it. Here is the list.

• Austin and Christine will get pregnant again, this time with triplet girls. They will be forced to sell all there belongings and live like Whiskey Tango’s in Bakersfield.
• Aiden and Chase will legally change their names to Woodruff and Wardlow
• Jeremy Fulton will finally meet the girl of his dreams at the Winchester Mystery House in San Jose. He will shortly discover that she is of an army of the undead and will cut him and drink his blood every time they have sex. Jeremy will become so aroused he will be forced to abandon his friends and die in ecstasy with his girl.
• Angelo will accomplish his life long goal of melding with his computer. He will have unlimited access to the internet and truly become the ghost in the machine. unfortunately they will unplug the internet because its creator Al Gore says it will reduce mans carbon footprint on the planet.
• Richard will finally get to work on time
• Paul will realize that he is not a great illustrator and abandon his goals of writing children’s books. He will now start on his new life quest, talking as slow as he can in the hopes of putting people to sleep.
• Doug and Jack will get married.
• Doug will accomplish his life long dream and be permanently on vacation his entire life.
• Cameron will discover he is the father of 47 different children. This just so happens to be the same number of ports he has visited in his submarine.
• Davey will discover he is the father of…… wait, never mind.
• Davey will become a lawyer and……wait, never mind
• Davey will finally acknowledge he is gay and take up residence with a young Thai school boy. Whats wrong with that? NOTHING!
• Sam and Heath will finally build the addition of there dream. an interconnected series of tunnels that joins all there friends and families homes together.
• Sheppy Shep will become the Chief Marketing Manager to Captains Morgans Spiced Rum. He will never be seen again.
• Nathan and Amanda will truly discover their love of their life. ME!
• Meghan will finally meet the man of her dreams. Unfortunately all the guy knows how to cook is white food. She will then get a divorce shortly after
• Andy Morris will move up to Truckee and become a mountain man. He will only be seen every couple of years in grainy footage videoed by local hunters.
• Geoff and Stacey will move back to California and raise children. Their kids will become NASCAR drivers.
• Dayna and Adam will have a kid. He will be a Mexican Nerd.
• Briana will finally make the craft of her dreams. A paper machete replica of her family. She will not be able to tell the difference for a few years and wonder why her kids and husband are so well behaved.
• Sean will shrink a couple of inches due to his ever increasing old age. This will put him at the correct height for normal people
• BO EO and CO will become even whiter. They will be known as the translucent family.
• Trisha Barrientos will continue to live at home and go to school and work for another couple of years.
• Timmy Tobin will become a professional hockey player. He will then meet another hockey player on an opposing team and have passionate pillow biting sex. after it is all over, his partner turns over in bed and puts his arm around him wanting to cuddle. Timmy jumps up and yells, “HEY!! I’M NOT GAY!”
• Ryan Cathcart will become even more gay. He will become the gayist person on the earth. He will then change his name to Gay Gayerkins. unfortunately he will be so gay that even gay people will be scarred of him.
• Sarah Lyall will finally realize that the love of her life is me. She will move back to Long Beach and take up residence in the house next to me. The backyard walls will be removed and I will rotate through the 2 homes on a nightly basis.
• Hilary Clinton will be president.

Please due not take offense to the predictions. There are in humor and light fun.

• When a cell phone conversation has been dropped the person who originally called is responsible for redialing and reestablishing the line of communication.
• When calling another cell phone and the person you are calling does not answer you should not leave a message. The reason being is that cell phones display the person and time of the call. Especially if this is someone who has your number stored on there phone. If the person wishes they will call you back. ie: “hey, it’s me and its 3:3o. Just seeing what your up to. Call me back!” By the sheer act of dialing all that information is stored on their phone you ass.
• Please do not talk louder on your cell phone. especially if the call is across an even greater distance. It is not two tin cups with a string. Technology has enabled normal volumes to travel great distances.
• stop wearing earpieces. Unless you make, lets say over a million dollars a year. There is no reason to be plugged in all the time. Don’t you realize that you look like a big jackass. Special circumstances are given to those people that sell drugs and prostitute. They are doing the lords work.
• For God’s sake! turn off that damn cell phone when at the movies, shows, museums, and any other event.
• do we have to text so often. Texting is probably one of the stupidest things. For quick jabs of information they are great. But to spend a whole conversation texting is ubsurd. Call the damn person. If they do not answer refer to the second bullet point. If you have to text because of your location you probably shouldn’t have that cell phone on. Refer to the previous bullet point.